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Crimson Desert Files for Immediate Global Domain After Selling Five Million Copies in Less Than a Month


Pearl Abyss has officially entered the discovery phase of global domination because Crimson Desert just sold five (5) million copies in less than a month. While most developers are still filing motions for an extension on their release dates, this open world epic has secured a permanent injunction against our collective free time. The market performance is so aggressive that it borders on tortious interference with every other RPG currently sitting in your Steam backlog. This is a gaming-certified legal precedent that South Korean developers are now among the undisputed heavyweights of the single player arena.

The South Korean Prime Minister has issued an official brief that basically grants the game sovereign immunity from any mid reviews. He praised the title for elevating K-content to a level where the gameplay loop is now a matter of "national interest". According to the highest courts of the internet, the developers have satisfied the burden of proof required to be labeled a true successor to the throne of fantasy epics. Any player found not enjoying the fluid swordplay may be held in contempt of court or at least forced to play a decade of glitchy shovelware as penance.

Players are currently waiving their right to sleep in favor of mastering a combat system that requires more frame perfect inputs than a high stakes cross-examination. If you find yourself losing your job because you spent forty hours hunting mythical beasts, please note that Pearl Abyss assumes no liability for your total lack of self control. The terms and conditions to play are simple because you just have to accept that your social life is now officially "null and void". Consider this your final notice to upgrade your graphics card or prepare to face the life ruining consequences of a below thirty (30) FPS existence.

Certiorari ad Ludum

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